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In this particular deeply poignant and personal memoir, John Flint recounts the experience of his better half Patricia's diagnosis with tumors, her death, and his efforts to readjust to life after. John uses his own experience to explore a few of the wider issues about how modern culture responds to terminal disease, death, and widowhood. But, in a publication that is coming in contact with, warm, and smart, John targets a few of the realities of every stage from looking after a terminally ill loved one to understanding how to live as a widower. In doing this, John has an insight into the real thoughts and experiences of the carer and widower. He provides applying for grants the practicalities of what to expect from experience including the first Xmas as a widower, going on holiday only, and the well-meant reviews of others; and, in a life where 'the tears are only an eyelid away', he provides ideas about how to cope with them.