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Why does talk in families frequently go in circles, leaving us tangled up in knots? Linguist Deborah Tannen reveals why speaking with family is frequently painful and problematic - even when we're all adults.Looking for signs of acceptance and belonging, we find signs of disapproval and rejection. Why do the seeds of family love frequently yield a harvest of criticism and judgment? In I Only Say This Because I Love You, Tannen shows how important it is, in family talk, to learn to separate word meanings, or messages, from heart meanings, or metamessages - unstated but powerful meanings that come from the history of your relationships and just how things are said.Presenting real conversations from people's lives, Tannen explores what's actually happening in family talk, including how family conversations must balance the desiring connection with the desire to have control, even as we battle to be close without giving up our freedom.This eye-opening audiobook explains why grown women frequently feel criticized by their mothers - and just why mothers feel they can not open their mouths around their grown daughters; why growing up male or female, or as a mature or younger sibling, results in different experience of family that persist throughout our lives. By helping us to comprehend and redefine family talk, Tannen provides the tools to improve relationships with family of each age.