Download Don't Lick the Minivan: And Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids AudioBook Free

As a woman used to vacationing and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe accepted the continuous fodder for laughter while pregnant with twins in Asia's sin city. But in spite of deep-fried insect dishes and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for annually with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra stock. Then she and her man gain home to the isolation of UNITED STATES suburbia. In Don't Lick the Minivan, Shirtliffe catches the bizarre aspects of parenting in her edgy, honest voice. She explores the hazards of day-to-day life with children such as:

• The birthday party where community kids needed home skin rashes from the second-hand face color she applied
• The time she uncovered her twins carving their titles into her minivan's color with stones
• The funeral she officiated for "Stripper Barbie"
• The horror of glitter
• And a lot more!

A postponed face with postpartum depressive disorder helps Shirtliffe to realize that even if she can't train her kids how to tie their shoelaces, she's a good enough mom. At least good enough to start conserving for her twins' school - eh, remedy - fund. And perhaps her own. Crisply written, Don't Lick the Minivan will have parents laughing out loud and nodding in arrangement. Shirtliffe's memoir might not replace a therapist, but it is a lot cheaper.