Download Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies: On Myths, Morons, Free Speech, Football, and Assorted Absurdities AudioBook Free
"Hi. In the hands, right now, you possess the culmination of thousands of years of human intelligence, ingenuity, and brilliance. Now put your goddamn mobile down and pay attention to my booklet. "What is in my booklet, you ask? (I'm really pleased you asked, by the way, because now I reach let you know.) "Time travel. Homosexual marriage. Sportsballing. Futuristic goggles that DO NOTHING. "Tiny brags from my publisher, stuff like: 'This can be an uproarious, uncensored undertake empathy, personal responsibility, and what this means to be human.' "Excessive brags about myself: 'An extraordinarily brilliant, punishingly funny, sharp-tongued blogosphere celebrity, NFL player, man and father, one-time violin prodigy, voracious life-time audience, obsessive gamer, and fearless champ of personal flexibility.' "Oh, and also an essay on the Pope's Tweets account. Genuinely, if that doesn't pull you in, there is no hope still left for humanity. I also give my own funeral eulogy, in case you were wishing I'd disappear completely and expire now! "So please, join me in the glorious skill of windmill tilting by reading this 'collection of rousing, uncensored personal essays, words, and testimonies' (I have no idea why that's in quotes). "Join the herd of Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies. "(You know you want to.)"
